Mad Magazine

When I was much younger I was a great fan of Mad Magazine. The humour was spot on and the satire was fantastic. I often wondered what happened to the jug eared guy who was their face of the magazine.

I wonder no more. Thanks to a friend who emailed me this pic I now know what he is doing now that he has matured.

How Strange

As most of you know who read this blog, Americans (with the exception of a couple of people) are not my favourites.

I am a fan of a few American performers and Bruce Springsteen is one of them. I always understood his famous song Born In The USA was something like a rallying song for most Americans. Something like John Williamsons Malley Boy is to most Australians.

Recently I read the lyrics to this song and it knocks the American way of life like I can only dream of doing. The lyrics are reproduced below.

Born down in a dead mans town

The first kick I took was when I hit the ground

You end up like a dog that's been beat too much

Till you spend half your life just covering up

Born in the u.s.a.,

I was born in the u.s.a.

I was born in the u.s.a.,

born in the u.s.a.

Got in a little hometown jam

So they put a rifle in my hand

Sent me off to a foreign land

To go and kill the yellow man

Born in the u.s..a....

Come back home to the refinery

Hiring man said son if it was up to me

Went down to see my v.a. man

He said son, don't you understand

I had a brother at khe sahn

Fighting off the viet cong

They are still there, he's all gone

He had a woman he loved in saigon

I got a picture of him in her arms now

Down in the shadow of the penitentiary

Out by the gas fires of the refinery

I'm ten years burning down the road

Nowhere to run aint got nowhere to go

Born in the u.s.a.,

I was born in the u.s.a.

Born in the u.s.a.,

I'm a long gone daddy in the u.s.a.

Born in the u.s.a.,

born in the u.s.a.

Born in the u.s.a.,

I'm a cool rocking daddy in the u.s.a.

What do you think?

Breaking News

Today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes".

I Love life

I'm sitting in front of my computer contemplating life and fuck, I;m glad I'm alive.

I look at the newspapers and read about war and taxes and crime and think about life in general. Why do people live in the capital cities?

I live in a small regional city and think to myself "Why do people put up with crime and the crap that goes on in city living?"

I lived in Sydney for over 30 years and now that I live in regional Australia, I ask myself why didn't I move 20 years ago?

I love this country living. Houses for sale from $100,000, cheap cost of living, same income.

Just doesn't make sense to me why you all live in capital cities. Move Move Move.

A Recurring Thought

Since visiting "Ground Zero" a few days ago, this image keeps popping into my head. Remember the woman who blessed herself while I was at "Ground Zero" and I made the comment about Jesus having a nap while Allah snuck up behind him?

I keep having this thought that heaven must be like the The World Heavyweight Boxing Championships.

You've got "God The Father" who I imagine would be like Don King.

He would be pitting his boys (Jesus, Allah, Krishna, Buddha etc) against one another in elimination bouts with the winner allowed to take his own destruction path. Allah won the first few bouts and blew up a few Christians and then Allah won the quarter final bout and got to destroy The Twin Towers and all those Christians. Then Jesus won the semi final and sent down The Tsunami and wiped out all those Muslims. Allah protested the result and there was a rematch which Jesus won and he sent an earthquake to Pakistan. That'll teach that Allah to put in a phony protest.

Poor old Krishna and Buddha haven't had a win yet. Good deeds aren't the motivating force that mayhem and destruction are.

I can't wait for the final. But what happens if it is a draw?

The Contenders

Presenting in the red corner.......JEEEEEESUS. Some say he has an unfair advantage because he is claiming to be Don Kings illegitimate son.

And now in the blue corner ALLAAAAAAH. Sorry about the pic but his management team of Bin Laden Pty Ltd have refused to supply any photos of The prophet.

And in the front row, just waiting for his chance, we present the up and coming KRIIIIIIIISHNA. He looks like he could go a bit as he looks like he's been battered around the ring a few times.

And sitting beside Krishna may I present the fittest contender....Buuddaaaaaaaah.

Now....lets hear it for all the boys here tonight

and may I introduce the referee for tonights match up................. THE ONE....THE ONLY............. EVERYBODIES FAVOURITE.....................................SAAAAATAN.

Back To New York.

I was very nervous getting on the plane in Austin to head back to New York. The last plane ride I had I passed out and after one big night on the piss in Austin, I wasn't too sure how I would cope with another flight but no fuken worries. We arrived back in New York and I was determined that this time I was going to see some of the fabled New York City. Stay off the piss and everything will be ok I told myself. Worked for me but poor old Leeroy had an old mate ring and ask him out for a drink on the first night we were back. I declined, remembering my vow but poor weak Leeroy went.

I went to an Offbroadway Show called Abigails Party. It cost US$60 a ticket so I had high expectations. which were thankfully all fulfilled. It was fun, I had a good close seat and it was a New York Show.

I walked back to the hotel past The Footlights Diner where we had eaten before and the food was actually edible. I called in and ordered a steak with vegetables and soup. Bloody great stuff except for the broccoli. They were all stalks except for 2 heads. I queried this with the waiter and he said that's how it's eaten over there, and I believed him. I had a couple of Scotch and cokes and wandered home.

At about 2AM Leeroy actually fell into the room as pissed as I have ever seen him. He picked himself up from the doorway and lurched into the bedroom and collapsed onto the little table between the two beds and scared the fucken shit out of me. The phone, the table and everything on it went flying and I sort of woke and told him to get into bed or I would undress him and put the pics in this blog. Knowing Leeroy would hate to have his private bits placed strategically all over this blog, I though my threat would work but not a sound. The cunt was passed out completely.

I finally got the fat cunt into bed and went back to sleep.

Next morning I went for a walk, leaving Leeroy to sleep it off. I went to "Ground Zero" and had a look at the construction sight. While I was looking a woman walked up and blessed her self. I couldn't help my self and said " What happened on September 11, did Allah sneak up behind Him and take Him by surprise?" All she did was give me a filthy look and pissed off. I expected more.

This is a small church almost opposite Ground Zero. I liked the contrast of the buildings.

Behind Ground Zero is a freeway with a pedestrian overpass and on the other side of the freeway is like being in an other City. Peaceful, quite and right on The Hudson River and all expensive residential. I wandered on and took some pics and ended up who knows where and caught a cab to The Empire State Building.

What a view. the first thing that came to mind was how come that bloody kid in the movie Sleepless In Seattle could get in to the Empire State Building and bypass all the queues. The magic of the movies.

I got back to the hotel about 5PM and Leeroy was still a quivering wreck, hungover from the previous night so I went out and wandered round Times Square. It rivals Las Vegas for neon.

Times Square

Came back to the hotel for an early night because tomorrow we fly home.